Veteran Services

How To Deal With Grief After Losing A Spouse

site image

By: Jackie Walters


The depression and anxiety that can set in after the loss of a spouse can be devastating, and most of us don’t know quite how to deal with those feelings, especially when they hang around for weeks or even months. Losing a spouse is difficult for everyone, but for seniors the experience is a little different, as they are entering a stage of life that makes leaning on a lifelong companion a comfort. Because everyone copes with grief differently, there’s no one way to handle it; knowing what works best for you is important for you to be able to heal.

 

It’s also important to understand that grief and sadness take a while to come to terms with. Many people still feel an acute sense of loss 18 months after losing a loved one, although those feelings tend to abate soon after that. The key is to remember that you will begin to feel better after some time has passed, and that those feelings won’t last forever.

 

Here are some of the best ways to cope with grief and sadness.

 


Be kind to yourself

 

It’s important not to place any expectations on yourself during this time. Everyone grieves differently, and although there are typically five stages of grief that most people experience – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – you may feel a completely different range of emotions, or they may come in a different order. Whatever you’re feeling, it’s normal after the loss of someone who was close to you. You may feel angry at your spouse for leaving you, or wish it was you instead of them. Allow yourself to have those feelings and try not to place limits on yourself. Grief is unique to each and every person.

 

Don’t keep it inside

 

Find ways to express your feelings. Keeping your emotions bottled up, either because it’s painful to talk about your loss or because you don’t want to burden anyone with your grief, can make the process worse. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to a friend or family member, consider seeking a counselor or therapist who specializes in grief, or join a grief support group. Or, if that’s not right for you, keep a journal and write in it daily. Being able to get your thoughts out onto paper can be extremely helpful.

 

Stick to your routine

 

It might seem difficult or impossible, but sticking to your normal routine can help you cope with your feelings a little better. Try to do something productive every day; make a piece of art, clean a room in the house, or go for a long walk with the dog. In fact, spending time with animals can be very helpful during this time, as they can help reduce stress and anxiety. It can be hard to stick to your routine if your spouse was the one who kept things in order by cleaning the house, staying on top of bills, or keeping up the yard. Don’t shy away from hiring help to get your life back to normal whether that is hiring a housekeeper or caregiver. You might ask a trusted family member to help with the financials and ensure you don’t miss a payment.

 

Take care of yourself

 

Grief and sadness can make you feel like all you want to do is sleep, or you might feel like you never want to sleep again. Your eating habits will change, your stress levels will fluctuate, and your moods might make you feel like you don’t even know yourself. This is all normal, but everyone copes with these things differently, and it’s important to find healthy ways to deal with them. Turning to alcohol to “numb the pain” might seem like a good idea at the time, but alcohol only makes things worse when the effects wear off. Instead, turn to exercise or volunteer at a local charitable organization. Use this difficult period in your life to grow closer to your children and grandchildren - who will be sure to put a smile on your face; or seek the solace of friends. This too shall pass, but you must take of yourself while it does.


site image

Memorial Service

Those who honor our country through the selfless sacrifice of military service deserve, themselves, to be honored. At Everly-Wheatley Funerals and Cremation, we believe in paying proper respects to military service members and veterans both as they live and as they pass on from this world. Whether the desire is for a full military service or simply a small family funeral, we are committed to offering burial and memorial services that honor, respect, and provide true meaning to those gathered in mourning.

site image

The Benefits of Military and Veteran Services

There are a number of benefits that come from planning a military service—and the foremost one is simply being able to honor, in some small fashion, those who have given so much for our nation. A military burial service is not just an important way to pay respects to our service veterans, but also their families.

Other Benefits Include:

A United States flag is provided at no cost to drape over the casket or to accompany the urn; it is provided to the next-of-kin following the service.

  • Headstones, markers, or medallions can be obtained at no cost from the Department of Veterans Affairs. 
  • Families may receive the Presidential Memorial Certificate, which is signed by the current president.
  • Military funerals can take place in private cemeteries or in veteran cemeteries.
  • Eligibility for Military Funerals.

site image

The Funeral Honors Ceremony

The basic Military Funeral Honors (MFH) ceremony consists of the folding and presentation of the United States flag to the veterans' family and the playing of Taps. The ceremony is performed by a funeral honors detail consisting of at least two members of the Armed Forces.

The Funeral Honors rendered to you or your veteran will be determined by the status of the veteran.  The type of Funeral Honors may be Full Military Honors, 7 Person Detail or a Standard Honors Team Detail.

At least one of the funeral honors detail will be from the Armed Force in which the deceased veteran served.  Taps may be played by a bugler or, if a bugler is not available, by using a quality recorded version. Military Funeral Honor Teams may act as Pall Bearers if requested by the veteran/family.

Frequent Questions

Who is eligible for Military Funeral Honors?

For this unique honor, veterans from all military branches qualify—regardless of rank, and regardless of whether they served in active duty, Reserve duty, or National Guard duty.

  • Military members on active duty or in the Selected Reserve.
  • Former military members who served on active duty and departed under conditions other than dishonorable.
  • Former military members who completed at least one term of enlistment or period of initial obligated service in the Selected Reserve and departed under conditions other than dishonorable.
  • Former military members discharged from the Selected Reserve due to a disability incurred or aggravated in the line of duty.

For more information, we invite you to contact us today.

Who is not eligible for Military Funeral Honors?

  • Any person separated from the Armed Forces under dishonorable conditions or whose character of service results in a bar to veteran's benefits. 
  • Any person who was ordered to report to an induction station, but was not actually inducted into military service. 
  • Any person discharged from the Selected Reserve prior to completing one term of enlistment or period of initial obligated service for reasons other than a disability incurred or aggravated in the line of duty.
  • Any person convicted of a Federal or State capital crime sentenced to death or life imprisonment.

How do I establish veteran eligibility?

The preferred method is the DD Form 214, Certificate of Release or Discharge from Active Duty.  If the DD Form 214 is not available, any discharge document showing other than dishonorable service can be used.  The DD Form 214 may be obtained by filling out a Standard Form 180 and sending it to:

National Personnel Records Center(NPRC)
9700 Page Blvd.
St. Louis, MO 63132

The Standard Form 180 may be obtained from the National Records Center or via the following web site: http://www.archives.gov/research/order/standard-form-180.pdf

Is anyone else eligible to receive funeral honors?

Yes. Members of the Commissioned Officer Corps of the Public Health Service (PHS) and National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), as members of a Uniformed Service, are also eligible to receive funeral honors.

For NOAA personnel, eligibility is established using NOAA Form 56-16, Report of Transfer or Discharge. If the family does not have a copy of the NOAA Form 56-16, it may by obtained by contacting the Chief, Officer Services Division, NOAA Commissioned Personnel Center at (301) 713-7715. or by writing:

National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration 
Commissioned Personnel Center 
Chief, Officer Services Division (CPC1) 
1315 East-West Highway, Room 12100 
Silver Spring, Maryland 20910

For PHS personnel, funeral honors eligibility is established using PHS Form 1867, Statement of Service (equivalent to the DD Form 214).  If the family does not have a copy of the Statement of Service, it may be obtained by contacting the Privacy Coordinator for the Commissioned Corps at (240) 453-6041 or writing:

Division of Commissioned Personnel/HRS/PSC 
Attention: Privacy Act Coordinator 
5600 Fishers Lane 
4-36 
Rockville, Maryland 20857

 

© 2017 Everly-Wheatley Funerals and Cremation. All Rights Reserved. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service