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How To Deal With Grief After Losing A Spouse

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By: Jackie Walters

The depression and anxiety that can set in after the loss of a spouse can be devastating, and most of us don’t know quite how to deal with those feelings, especially when they hang around for weeks or even months. Losing a spouse is difficult for everyone, but for seniors the experience is a little different, as they are entering a stage of life that makes leaning on a lifelong companion a comfort. Because everyone copes with grief differently, there’s no one way to handle it; knowing what works best for you is important for you to be able to heal.


It’s also important to understand that grief and sadness take a while to come to terms with. Many people still feel an acute sense of loss 18 months after losing a loved one, although those feelings tend to abate soon after that. The key is to remember that you will begin to feel better after some time has passed, and that those feelings won’t last forever.


Here are some of the best ways to cope with grief and sadness.


Be kind to yourself


It’s important not to place any expectations on yourself during this time. Everyone grieves differently, and although there are typically five stages of grief that most people experience – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – you may feel a completely different range of emotions, or they may come in a different order. Whatever you’re feeling, it’s normal after the loss of someone who was close to you. You may feel angry at your spouse for leaving you, or wish it was you instead of them. Allow yourself to have those feelings and try not to place limits on yourself. Grief is unique to each and every person.


Don’t keep it inside


Find ways to express your feelings. Keeping your emotions bottled up, either because it’s painful to talk about your loss or because you don’t want to burden anyone with your grief, can make the process worse. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to a friend or family member, consider seeking a counselor or therapist who specializes in grief, or join a grief support group. Or, if that’s not right for you, keep a journal and write in it daily. Being able to get your thoughts out onto paper can be extremely helpful.


Stick to your routine


It might seem difficult or impossible, but sticking to your normal routine can help you cope with your feelings a little better. Try to do something productive every day; make a piece of art, clean a room in the house, or go for a long walk with the dog. In fact, spending time with animals can be very helpful during this time, as they can help reduce stress and anxiety. It can be hard to stick to your routine if your spouse was the one who kept things in order by cleaning the house, staying on top of bills, or keeping up the yard. Don’t shy away from hiring help to get your life back to normal whether that is hiring a housekeeper or caregiver. You might ask a trusted family member to help with the financials and ensure you don’t miss a payment.


Take care of yourself


Grief and sadness can make you feel like all you want to do is sleep, or you might feel like you never want to sleep again. Your eating habits will change, your stress levels will fluctuate, and your moods might make you feel like you don’t even know yourself. This is all normal, but everyone copes with these things differently, and it’s important to find healthy ways to deal with them. Turning to alcohol to “numb the pain” might seem like a good idea at the time, but alcohol only makes things worse when the effects wear off. Instead, turn to exercise or volunteer at a local charitable organization. Use this difficult period in your life to grow closer to your children and grandchildren - who will be sure to put a smile on your face; or seek the solace of friends. This too shall pass, but you must take of yourself while it does.

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Our firm traces its roots back, deep into the 20th century, when our first facility was dedicated. Many years later, this location has seen renovations and changes, but has always been and will continue to be an integral part of this community. 

 Over the years, the original mission of the firm hasn't changed. We have always intended to provide the best, most professional services, complemented by the finest products. Today, we pride ourselves on being current with the major changes in funeral service trends - and bring those innovations and memorialization options to our client families with integrity and insight.


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1849  Benjamin Wheatley opened the Wheatley Funeral Home. It was originally located on the waterfront and moved to 807 King Street in Alexandria.

1909 – Mr. Wheatley died and the younger Mr. Ben Wheatley continued the business until his demise in 1919.

1919 – Mr. Ben Wheatley died and his widow inherited the Funeral Home.

1928 – Mr. Ben Wheatley’s widow sold Wheatley Funeral Home to Stover’s Funeral Home in Strasburg, Virginia.

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1933 – Mr. Josiah Stickley Everly bought the Funeral Home from Mr. Stover. Mr. Everly had served his apprenticeship with Mr. Stover. He kept the name of Wheatley Funeral Home until 1959.

1959 – Mr. Josiah S. Everly relocated to 1500 West Braddock Road and changed the name to Everly-Wheatley Funeral Home. His son John C. Everly operated the home in the fine old manner, with the warmth and compassion tradition dictates, until the Everly Family sold to Stewart Enterprises, Inc. in 1990. Both Julian and John continued to work as funeral directors until their retirements.

1945 - Mr. Josiah S. Everly purchased the E.W. Groff Funeral Home and changed the name to Everly Funeral Home. Julian Wilson Everly, Sr. managed this home until it was bought by Stewart Enterprises, Inc. in 1990.

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Both homes have staff that boasts over 200 years of combined experience. The Everly Funeral Homes are also proud to have employed two women funeral service licensees who were on staff before the women’s movement was an issue.

Everly knows stories of the Wheatley family of cabinet and coffin makers and how they made their own caskets, the first ones resembling ice boxes with ice in the bottom to preserve the body.

Everly said the family was one of the first to do embalming in the country and helped prepare bodies for Northern and Southern troops during the Civil War to preserve them until they could be sent home.

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B. Wheatley

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Mr. Josiah Stickley Everly

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